Sunday, 29 August 2010

Marriage Part One: Ding Dong...Shut Those Bells Up!

Enough about jobs for now! A change of pace is in order. As well as being on the career train, it seems those wedding bells have been a’ chimin’ all over the place recently. Yes that time has come; that early twenties phase when everyone is getting down on one knee and hopping up that aisle. So it made me rethink my thoughts on marriage in general.

One thing my mother has said to me in the past is that marriage changes everything. What I once viewed as just a big party and a piece of paper to make it official has now evolved into something much more real than that in light of my friends all getting hitched. What exactly does make us take that next step?

The first of my old school pals to take the plunge is doing it for some reasons that I very much admire. We all knew she’d be the first, and I would like to take this opportunity to say congratulations, just over a month until the big day! Her and her fiancé both come from Christian backgrounds, and this has remained the central focus of their lives. Marriage for them is so much more than a bond between themselves; it also encompasses and is a huge part of their faith. Having held Christian beliefs in the past and knowing quite how much it means to her, that’s the very reason why I would never get married in a church. Out of all those people sitting there and watching them tie the knot, the most important of all for them to stand witness is their God, and I would feel like so much of a hypocrite for doing the same. If you don’t believe in a Christian God, why would you stand and take vows that involve Him? I would just feel like my whole wedding was a complete sham! I understand it’s tradition and all, but aren’t we past tradition now? It’s also tradition to not have sex until after the wedding but most of us overlook that part. For me, if I ever did get married, it would be about finding someone I wanted to spend the rest of my days with and exclusively about that. God wouldn’t be a part of it because if He were not even thought of in any other part of my life, why would He be so on one of the most important days I ever have?

 Don’t get me wrong, of course when I was little I dreamed of wearing a white dress and having my father give me away. That just makes me think though, is there just something out there conditioning us little girls to think that way?! Is it expected at some point in a relationship we will need to take the next step and get married? I guess that’s tradition again, but as far as I see it there is still some kind of social pressure out there even though times have changed so much when it comes to relationships. I think that nowadays there’s just no need for that progression into marriage when our views on sex and love are becoming more liberal. Of course I’m not damning the whole concept and I’m so happy for my friends that have thus far got engaged, but I think it’ll be a long time before you see me heading up that aisle as a bride and that advice from my Mum will stick with me for a while yet. If I’m happy in a relationship I’d like to keep it that way and not over-complicate anything for as long as possible! As far as I see it, what’s the rush? I always thought the idea of having a ‘We’re not getting married!’ party in which I will wear an (off)white dress would be more my kind of style. Plus it’ll appease that little girl inside of me who always wanted that special day.  

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