I am currently reading 'Of Human Bondage' by W. Somerset Maugham and came across this quote:
"It's no use crying over spilt milk, because all of the forces of the universe were bent on spilling it."
It got me thinking about my own attitude towards fate, as in recent months the phrase 'everything happens for a reason' has been repeated to me by many an inidividual in an attempt to make sense of it all.
Since I gave up on my Christian persuasion a number of years ago, I have been considering my feelings towards the idea of forces beyond our recognition. Whilst I still don't believe in a single all-powerful entity, and I also don't entirely believe that you can send your thoughts out to the universe to control it's actions and receive your hearts desire. And yet I cannot sit here and believe there is no force pushing some of us together, or pulling some things apart, whatever form it may take.
I have to say that looking back on the 22nd year (it is almost coming to an end), some things have fallen into place for reasons I cannot comprehend. But it still feels like those reasons are there.
Many people have come into my life this year, and couple have also gone out of it. It has only dawned on me recently what some of these people have brought to my life, in terms of my own personal development.
I experienced the death of a friend for the first time, and it has changed my perspective on life more than he ever would have thought. I've experience heart-ache this year more than I have before, and yet looking back it all makes sense as to why this person was there for a little while, and also why he has left my life for the time being.
Each step of travelling has had it's impact on the way I live. India taught me that there is so much more to the world than our little comfort zone of England. Morocco taught me that travelling with eight people is a complete nightmare, but somehow we still made it work. Canada taught me too many lessons to explain, but mostly that I do possess the courage to go it alone. Barcelona was the biggest party I've ever had.
This time last year I didn't know I wanted to be a writer. I can only imagine what my 23rd year will bring!
Lastly, I'd like to send my love to the friends and family of Matt Harris, the friend of mine who passed away last September. Today would have been his 24th birthday. The reason you were taken from us is still unclear.